Today is my birthday! Other notable things that happened on this day in history:
- The Boston subway opens in 1897
- Hitler invades Poland, starting World War II in 1939
- Bobby Fischer beats Boris Spassky, becoming world chess champion in 1972
- The wreckage of the Titanic is discovered in 1985
- Edgar Rice Burroughs is born in 1875
- Yvonne De Carlo is born in 1922
- Lily Tomlin is born in 1939
- Annabella Lwinn of Bow Wow Wow born in 1966
- David, my best friend, born in 1953
- My favorite fact about the number 44 (which is how old I now am): “44 is the number of derangements of 5 items.” Anything linking me with derangement helps my therapist stay in business. We both thank you.
I have some birthday wishes. Not just for myself, but for others and for the country at large. Here they are!
- I’d like the people detracting Glenn Beck’s Restoring Honor rally to look up the word “honor” and think about it for a while.
- I’d like all my conservative friends to go a whole day without being called racist. Especially the black ones, because … damn.
- I’d like everyone to take a moment to thank Dr. Alveda King for carrying on her uncle’s legacy.
- I’d like everyone to pledge to vote conservative in November. Let’s put aside our petty differences and come together in support of the best candidates on the ticket in the general elections.
- Today, as you listen to reruns of Obama’s latest speech (which I’m dubbing the Statist of the Union Address) try not to throw things at your TV. In this economy, you can’t afford to buy another.
- Let’s remember we’re winding down the Summer of Recovery. By which is meant, I assume, the Obama family has fully recovered and can now stop taking endless, tax payer-funded vacations. This means Barry will be going back to work. Danger, Will Robinson!
- In honor of my birthday, please eat some fattening food, drink some soda, smoke a cigarette and don’t exercise. If we all do this together, Michelle might disappear.
- Let’s be kind to our opponents. If everyone who reads this post spends an hour watching MSNBC today, they will double their viewership … to 12.
- Because today is a day ending in “y,” take a moment to thank someone who is serving or has served in our armed forces. They are the sole reason we can afford to celebrate trivial things like birthdays in safety.
- Also, spend a minute or two thanking your favorite conservative politician for everything he or she has done to help restore the founding principles and the Constitution.
- Please take some time to make fun of Meghan McCain and John Cusack. This is an entirely selfish agenda item. It would titillate me to no end.
- Another selfish item: if you’ve enjoyed my blog, please find your favorite post and share it via the “Tweet” button at the bottom.
I hope you all have a wonderful day. Remember: you are all racists. Keith Olbermann is the wisest, kindest man who ever lived and totally doesn’t hide in a bathtub. Also, Rick Sanchez isn’t a killer.
Free the trans fats!