Catching Up With Helen Thomas

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Helen Thomas, long time journalist and member of the White House Press Corps, retired last week amid a scandal regarding her comments about Israel.

Since her illustrious career came to an abrupt end, I – and many others, I’m sure – wondered what the grande dame of the liberal press was up to.

Using my super secret resources, I managed to track down Helen and caught up with her, vacationing at one of her favorite European retreats, near Oświęcim, Poland.

Helen Thomas Vacations in Poland

Helen Thomas Vacations in Poland

CIR: So, tell me, Helen. What is retired life like for you?

HT: Not bad. Not bad at all. One of my favorite all-time sayings has always been “work will set you free,” and it’s true! I feel like a young girl of 82.

CIR: Your statements made about Jews in Israel were very controversial. Did the fallout of the video hitting the media surprise you?

HT: Not so much the reaction to the video as the context in which it was shot. Jewish Heritage Month? I expected the White House was finally going to expose our Secret Masters. You know. Hollywood, Bankers, the Gnomes of Zurich, shape shifters. Instead, there were hors d’eouvres! And rabbis walking freely amongst us, as if they were real people. It was very shocking.

CIR: So, now that you’re officially a former member of the press, what do you miss most about the life?

HT: I don’t miss much, actually. I do miss some of my colleagues, though.

CIR: Anyone in particular?

HT: Not so much the people I had the chance to work with, but the up-and-comers. The next generation of the media. I had my eye on a few at Huffington Post. But, just between you and me, that nice young Eric Boehlert has real promise!

CIR: Thank you for your time, Ms. Thomas. I know you’re busy enjoying the sights. Do you have any parting words for your readers, who will undoubtedly miss your wit and vivacity?

HT: Redrum. REDRUM!!!

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