The Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy
Don’t tell anybody, but I’ve been working undercover as a “converted conservative” to expose the hidden agenda perpetrated on the American people by right-wing nutters who are slowly but surely taking over the political and social dialogue in this country. And what I’ve uncovered is truly, truly shocking!
As you may be aware, Hillary Clinton (all hail her hallowed name!) hinted at this conspiracy when pernicious Republicans falsely accused her husband, then President Bill “I love a good cigar” Clinton, of having an affair with an intern. The injustices perpetrated on President Clinton by the secretive, conservative right included planting false evidence (like the now infamous “smoking blue dress”), and brainwashing the President into giving a totally false confession (like we believe anyone doesn’t know what “is” means!).
This was just one in a long string of baseless accusations made by the right against the totally innocent, upstanding and morally righteous Clinton family.
Over the years, brave liberals have tried to uncover this vast right-wing conspiracy to no avail. Witness Bill Clinton himself stating of Al Franken, on Franken’s 2008 Senate bid, that he had been taking on the “vast right wing conspiracy before others even acknowledged that it existed.” Before Mr. Franken became a senator, he was a host on the wildly successful Air America.
Until now, there has been absolutely no concrete proof of any such conspiracy. But, through exhaustive research, I was able to uncover super secret documents never before available to the public as they were cleverly hidden amidst billions of red herrings on the Internet. Finally, I am ready to come forward and tell you what I know.
- Conservatives are shamelessly and secretively attempting to insert their values into the American mainstream.
- The vast right-wing conspiracy supports entirely un-American values:
As if all that weren’t enough, hidden lurking in the shadows, some members of the conspiracy go so far as to use the very term amongst themselves!
This outrage must stop! With this report, I am officially declaring war on the hidden, unpublished and demonstrably Orwellian agenda of the secret, silent conservative movement.
No longer will we, the under-represented liberal minority, sit idly by as cabals within our society foist outrageous political changes upon us, such as: small government, an affirmation and practice of all 10 amendments in the perfidious Bill of Rights, individual liberty and responsibility, family values, pride in our military and love of country.
Come! Won’t you stand with me?